From childhood we are constantly learning something: walking, writing, driving... Everywhere we are swamped with instructions which we need to follow. Unfortunately, I can't find an instruction manual anywhere for the most important situation: How to bring up a child to be a clever and good adult without ruining their personality.

Time doesn't exist for my children. They think that in every moment they can draw time out indefinitely. Very often I hear "another 5 minutes", or "I'm just coming" – typical lines which don't move the process forward. Mealtimes are extremely difficult. It is better at the weekend because it is not so stressful. In the morning the answers "wait a minute, I'm eating" or "My mouth is full" render me helpless. My children eat far too slowly. It makes no odds what we would like to do later: go to school or to the cinema.

My children are out of step with me and this is a constant source of conflict. Recently, I have come across the book, "Temperament of your child. Upbringing according to nature" by  Paul D. Tieger i Barbara Barron-Tieger. The authors of this book suggest that you should look at your children from a slightly different perspective. Children aren't our exact copies. They feel and think in their own way.

We can imbue them with our own principles, but the final result will depend on how different our children are from us. If the child is similar to us, our work will be easier, but if not we can expect a never-ending job. The authors of the book divide people into extroverts and introverts, realists and dreamers, thinkers and feelers, and people who judge and observers. Each and every one of us is a combination of qualities belonging to all of the four groups.

The most interesting was the last division. One of the differences between people who judge and observers is their approach to time passing by. Children-judges perceive time as something permanent and only a little flexible.  They do not like to waste time; they are on time and expect the same from others. Observers live in the present moment and treat time as a flexible and renewable resource. It seems that other people's hurry does not influence them.  Conflict erupts sometimes not because something is happening but due to how it is happening.

Can you see such a situation in your home? Unfortunately I have to cope with it on a daily basis. I am still trying to remember that my children perceive time differently. If you remember that specific behaviour is not the result of unwillingness and malevolence but of nature, the situation is much easier to accept. However it is still not easy.  I do recommend this book, even if, unfortunately, apart from some interesting hints on how to look at a young person from a slightly different perspective, I did not find the magic formula for parenting.